The Joy of Six...

The Boob Tube....my drug of choice

Oh dear God, if Joe introduces me to another tv or HBO series, I think my head will explode.  I've mentioned in previous posts how he loves to show up with a season of 'something' that he knows I'll just love.  "You know you'll like it mom."   Yeah, yeah, yeah..... 

 

The latest….Tremé, a show about life in New Orleans after Katrina; and Game of Thrones, a show where kings, queens, knights and renegades use schemes and swords to battle for the throne....have now  been added.  Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE them; that’s the problem.  Joe seems to know what I would like and loves bringing them over, or finding them On Demand.  Many of them are series that I haven't made time for....on purpose; because I haven't wanted to get addicted to any more than I already am. 

 

It’s not bad enough that I have certain shows on network tv that I watch religiously and that Joe wouldn't be caught dead watching, like:

 

~ Dancing With The Stars (season just ended, thank God)

~ American Idol (season just ended, thank God again)

~ So You Think You Can Dance (season just began, ohhhh)

~ America’s Got Talent (also just began)

~ Grey’s Anatomy (season just ended)

~ America’s Best Dance Crew (tomorrow night is the final show of the season)

~ Celebrity Apprentice (didn’t watch it this season because Donald has irritated the hell out of me with his recent antics.)

 

I think there were more, but I can’t think of them right now....and this doesn't cover the sporting events that I like to watch.  As you can see, I tend to like the entertainment reality shows most.  I use to watch more dramatic series, but either they have since gone off the air….or Joe has made them part of our itinerary that we watch together.

 

Not even counting the shows that are no longer on, here’s a list of what we are in the process of watching or catching up on through the seasons on DVD…..and in no particular order of preference (I love and am addicted to most of these shows):

 

~ Tremé

~ Game of Thrones

~ Criminal Minds

~ Dexter

~ Rescue Me

~ Justified

~ Modern Family

~ Monk

~ Sons of Anarchy

~ CSI (both NY & LV.  We use to watch Miami, but David Caruso is just a little too much lately.)

~ Mad Men

~ House

~ Breaking Bad

~ Castle

~ Southland

~ The Closer

~ The Walking Dead (Wasn’t so sure I’d like this, but it was surprisingly good.)

~ Lie to Me ( We still have the last season to watch, but I think it just got cancelled, so that’s good.)

~ Damages

~ Burn Notice

 

I think that’s everything.  As you can see, Joe has got me pretty booked up.  We lay on my bed and watch several episodes at a time; so the two of us have become ‘bed potatoes’ in every way.  But of course I use these opportunities to multi-task...write out lists and bills, do puzzles, file my nails, read the newspaper.  Hmmm, and I wonder why my body is yelling out to me in defiance.  Between hours spent watching these programs and hours spent at my computer, I’m surprised I can move at all.  Watching me get around the last several months isn’t pretty…especially on the stairs.  I try to do some stretching exercises when I can and get out and run errands as much as possible.

 

Honestly, there are times when I think I could kill Joe for getting me hooked on these shows….and times when I could kiss him.  Are you as bad as me?  Come on, make me feel better….   ~Joy  xo

Jots from Joy

 

Ouch!  Gasoline prices in Chicago went up 6 cents a gallon in one day and jumped 17 cents this past week.

I guess we can blame the continuing political unrest in Libya, which has caused the price of oil to spike, even though the country supplies less than 2 percent of the oil consumed globally.

The average price of gas in Chicago is up 22 cents a gallon over the month and 66 cents over the year.  I’ve heard that this is perhaps the greatest threat to global oil supply since the Persian Gulf War.  I’ve also heard that we probably will be looking at $4.00 a gallon soon…. and possibly $5.00 a gallon in the not so distant future.  Ouch…and double Ouch!!  God that would be painful for everyone….even me, who doesn’t really stray too far these days.

 
 
Getting some snow flurries right now.  Doesn’t look to be much, but we all are shell-shocked from our recent Snowmageddon; so of course we immediately feel panicked when we see a flake fall.  There’s a small accumulation out there, but the streets look fine and I think pending warmer temps will quickly melt what we have.  Mother Nature is a card, isn’t she?

 
 

Sad and Sick…she just couldn’t take the sass…..

I read a piece in the paper the other day where a woman from Tampa, Fl shot to death her teenage son and daughter because she was fed up with them talking back and being mouthy.  I actually had to reread her reason a couple of times….mostly because I just couldn’t believe it.  WOW! 

Hey, don’t get me wrong….I am in NO WAY a fan of sassy, mouthy kids talking back to their parents.  And haven’t we all been driven to anger over our kids talking back some time or another?  But dear God, what an unbelievably sad way to put a halt to your problem and make your point.  Obviously this woman had much bigger problems than sassy kids.

This woman shot her 13 year old son twice in the head in the family car “for talking back” as she drove him to soccer practice; then drove home, where she shot her 16 year old daughter.  Can you imagine driving home with your fatally shot son next to you with all that anger and God knows what other emotions running wild…knowing when you arrived, you were going to kill your other child?  I honestly can’t even fathom it.

Apparently this woman sent an e-mail to her mother saying she was depressed, and her mother called the police.  Officers found her drenched in blood on her back porch.   Depressed?  Yes, to say the very least.  But she apparently knew what she was planning to do because she bought a .38 caliber pistol five days earlier.  I only wish she would have sought out some help for her depression before it went to these horrible extremes.  And the father?  He is a career Army officer attached to U.S. Central Command in Tampa and was working in the Middle East.  What an awful phone call that must have been.  Beyond sad.

 

Now, let's end with a few smiles....

 

 

 

 

 

 
I believe this is my son's theory....

                                                        ~ Joy  xo

I dare you not to crack a smile....

 

Jory and Jesse sent this video of baby Olive to me a couple of days ago.  I can't even count how many times I've watched it....but I'm addicted.  I've even put it on the sidebar of my blog and on my desktop so I can have it handy whenever I want a pure adrenaline high.  It's not long, but it brightens my day every time I watch it.

Olive enjoying playtime...

 

I've always been a sucker for babies.  My son, Joe, knows just how much.  He's always sending me videos of babies in all their cuteness.  I save a lot of them to look at over and over again...especially the ones of them laughing.  They are pure joy....  Have a happy week everyone!  ~Joy  xo

Anal-Retentive Procrastinator...Moi?

Is it possible to be both?  It must be because I have very strong characteristics in both areas.  I think the procrastination part of my personality drives me a little crazier and is more frustrating by far.  Some things I procrastinate over BIG TIME:

~ making doctor's appointments

~ cleaning the house (a relatively new procrastination)

~ diet and exercise

~ getting rid of old and unused things

~ making appointments to get things fixed around the house

~ doing anything that doesn't seem like fun anymore....basically growing up (seriously)

I can find any number of ways to put things off if they just don't seem to suit me at the moment.  The bad thing is that those 'moments' grow into MANY moments...days and weeks, etc.  You know how it goes.  Then of course the frustration kicks in and you start to feel that you don't have control over these areas of your life.  I think as I've gotten older, I've just gotten worse...especially since I've been alone.  Heck, I've only got me to answer for.  Well, my kids stay on me about a few things they think need to be addressed....in a good way.

Then there's the 'other' me....Ms. Anal-Retentive.  If I'm on a mission...jump in and help, or STAY OUT OF MY WAY.  I think this is the person my kids remember growing up with...living with a mom that needed to be organized and on top of things; but always lighthearted and with humor.  Believe me, I know the difference since my mother did not always find the humor when she was on one of her missions. 

Some things that still spike my anal-retentive tendencies:

~ working on BlogHer and computer related issues

~ remembering birthdays and sending cards

~ always needing to have the house organized and neat (that's quite different from housecleaning...dusting, vaccuming, etc. where the 'procrastinator me' kicks in)

~ my car and the maintenance of it

~ preparing and getting things down logistically when my kids (or others) come in town

Oh there are more, but this brings me to my present state of anal-retentiveness....preparing for the holidays and everyone's arrival. 

Every night I lay in bed thinking of ALL the things that I want or need to get accomplished before my kids and their families come in for Christmas.  The more I think about it...the more things I come up with.  I don't know why I'm 'over-thinking' things so much.  None of my kids care about anything except coming home and enjoying being together.  Honestly.  But I have all these thoughts running through my head of how and where I'm going to put everyone and have them all be happy and comfortable.

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago...this house seems to have gotten smaller when EVERYONE comes home these days.  And though I've pretty much got it figured out in my head how things will go, I'm still laying in my bed at night going over it all.  I know it's related to the fact that I've slowed up somewhat in the last couple of years and can't do what I use to at the level that I use to do it; and I fret about getting things done.  Geesh, give it up already Joy.

For weeks I've done things ahead of my normal routine for the holidays to try to stay on top of things and feel as organized as possible...such as:

~ written all of my Xmas cards out and just put them in the mail

~ wrapped ALL of my Xmas presents...and believe me that was no small chore

~ had several things looked at and repaired in the house; and am still debating about a couple more

~ made arrangements to borrow an infant carseat for baby Liv so Jory doesn't have to tote hers to the airport

And of course one of the things that I normally look forward to and LOVE to do....DECORATE THE HOUSE.

Well, Joe, Jenna and I just couldn't seem to pull it together enough to haul out everything after Thanksgiving dinner this year; so Jenna and I bit the bullet and did it the day after.  With a couple of Aleve in the morning to help bolster my already stiff and achy body, we managed to get it all up...except for the tree.  Putting the tree up is usually Joe's job, and he will probably do it in the next couple of days when he's off of work.

While Joe and Jenna put the lights and tinsel on the tree, my job is to get all the 'gazillion' ornaments out and ready for them.  Oh, and if there's one thing I've ALWAYS been anal-retentive about....it's my Xmas Tree.  It's not so much how or where you place the ornaments...many are handmade and very old; but the kids know that they need to find a place for ALL of them.  Considering what I've collected over the years, this is NOT so easy.  Even with the fact that I've given each of my kids a box of their personal ornaments that they received as gifts from friends and relatives since they were babies...the task of finding places for everything is a daunting one.  Nevertheless, this part of my holiday puzzle will hopefully be complete in the next few days. 

Hey, if it takes decorating in piecemeal to get things done...so be it.  I'm all for whatever it takes to get me through with my sanity in tact. 

There...now 'ol anal-retentive ME feels so much better.  Thanks everyone for this therapy session....and good luck with whatever's on your plate for the holidays.                             Many hugs,  Joy   

 

 

The Wonderful World of Paranoia: Driving Miss Crazy…Part Deux

I didn’t think I’d be back on my ‘ranting soapbox' so soon; and especially not in regards to my Toyota Prius.  I figured I was happily on the road to recovering from the injustices my little blue Prius and I have had to endure over the past few months.  HA, well I figured wrong!  I couldn’t write this post before now because I wasn’t in a very good frame of mind…..in fact I think I was a little out of my mind.  I needed to clear my head, figure out some things, and get a little better perspective about the situation.

I had just written a post telling you all about my car woes and the battering of my little Prius.  I had a lot of comments and e-mails from many of you relating similar instances about your cars.  We’re all in the same boat on this, and we’ve all felt very violated when other people cause damage to our cars….and get away with it.

After getting my car back just a week or so prior from the auto repair garage where I had a couple of scrapes and a dent fixed, I was feeling good that I had the work done…even at my expense.  My car was back to looking like itself again.  This was the only way I could rationalize spending the $$$ repairing damages caused by some careless and irresponsible people.

My good feelings were short-lived….

It seemed harmless enough…a routine outing running errands with Jenna…. just like all the other times before.   I don’t know exactly why I suggested that maybe she should drive; since I usually drive on all of our excursions...but I did.  She said, “Okay Mom, I’ll pick you up about 1:30.”

Maybe subconsciously I didn’t want to drive because we were going to a busy mall for one of our errands, and I was just a little hesitant to subject my newly repaired car to the ‘parking loonies’ so soon.  I knew I’d have to get over my paranoia and get back to normal; but on this particular day…my paranoia won.

As I sat out on the bench by my front door waiting for Jen, I looked at some mail, read my ‘to do' list, and in general enjoyed the beautiful day around me.  Jen pulled up…and we were on our way. 

We ran to the mall where Jen had a couple of watch repairs taken care of, stopped at a Toys R Us store where I found a couple of things for Bella for Xmas, and stopped at an American Greetings store where Jen went a little crazy. (I have to restrain myself in these kind of stores because I’m easily just as bad…or worse than Jen.)  Then we stopped at CVS for a few things and once again....we were on our way.  Very often we stop somewhere for a bite to eat, but walking around the mall had irritated my already existing achy back problem; so I was ready to go home.  In all….we weren’t gone for more than 1 ½ hours.

As Jen pulled up in front of my house I glanced toward the front door and noticed something sitting on my bench….the very bench that I sat on waiting for Jen to pick me up.  I knew it wasn’t there when I sat there before, and I knew I hadn't left anything.  As I stared at it….I realized it was blue….the same color blue as my car. You know that little sick feeling you get when you've realized you're about to discover something bad has happened?  Yep…that was me. 

My head spun so fast to look at my car parked, which was parked right in front of us, that I could have given Linda Blair in the Exorcist a run for her money.  I looked at my car…then looked back at the piece sitting on the bench…then back at my car.  I couldn’t even get out of Jen’s car…I was frozen.  Then I saw it.

“MY MIRROR!  Jen, look at my mirror,” as I pointed at my car with this astonished look on my face.  I was STILL frozen.  Neither one of us had moved, but it was apparent…even from Jen’s car, that someone…or something…had smashed the glass of the rear-view mirror on the driver’s side.  Suddenly I knew what that ‘blue thing’  was sitting on the bench….it was the painted piece that covers the back of the mirror.  I was afraid to get out and survey the damage further…but I did. 

Yes, the mirror was smashed and part of the black plastic casing around it was broken.  Jen has seen that distraught look on my face before, and grabbed my bags to go into the house.  There was nothing I could do....I felt helpless and hurt....and I was getting teary.  I had all kinds of things running through my head….besides anger, hurt and frustration.

How in the world could someone hit that mirror when they had the whole street to drive on?  There were no other vehicles blocking anything….the street was completely open.  Someone just wasn’t paying attention to what they were doing.  I thought, maybe they were talking on their phone (something I deplore) or with someone else in the car and not concentrating on what they were doing….who knows.  What total idiot could do that?  And what kind of person would smash your mirror in, put part of that mirror on a bench in front of your house, and NOT leave a note explaining what they had done and leave their name and number?  The same idiots that scraped up my car the other two times and never took responsibility for it….Cretins with no conscience. (Gee, does that sound too harsh?) 

I don’t even know if the offender was the one to put that plastic piece on the bench.  Maybe it was a neighbor…or even a stranger who saw it sitting on the street and assumed the car belonged to the house it was parked in front of.  I honestly didn’t know if it even was a car that did it.  Maybe it was someone on a bike who wasn’t paying attention, got too close, and smashed into it with their handlebar. (That’s kind of my son’s theory after he looked at the damage.)  Oh GREAT, now I have to worry about deranged bicycle riders. 

Joe said, “Mom, if it was a biker, maybe they were jolted off their bike when they hit your mirror and they were hurt; or maybe they tried to ring the doorbell, but you weren’t home…and they left that piece on the bench, and maybe they didn’t have any paper or pen to leave a note for you."  At this point Joe was showing more compassion than I could muster up.  Even through my hurt and anger, I was proud to see it…and to be fair, he may be right.  However, I have yet to see the person responsible ring my doorbell to set things straight. 

Joe's theory may be right too.  It’s hard to believe that another car could actually get that close to my car and NOT do other damage to the body somehow.  There are all kinds of theories I suppose; and I doubt that I’ll ever find out what really happened unless someone actually heard or saw something.  I know the couple of neighbors that could have seen anything would definitely have told me right away.

One thing I do know....I’m on the hot seat again to pay for it.  I needed to get this fixed as soon as possible.  I'm starting to feel someone is out to get me, and can’t help but see the irony of it all….

How ironic that this would happen right after I get those other damages repaired....and how good I was feeling about doing it.  How ironic that I just wrote a post about this very thing…..and how ironic I decided NOT to drive this time and had Jenna drive.  As it turns out, I would have been better off if I did drive.  But why would I worry about leaving my car parked in front of my own house?  How in the world can you NOT be just a little paranoid after something like this?

This all happened over the Labor Day weekend, and of course I couldn’t do anything about it until businesses were open again.  Joe did e-mail the dealership where he got the car to ask if they replace these mirrors?  I called the car repair garage that 'healed' my car just a couple of weeks ago to see if they did mirror replacements.  They did, and quoted me a price that was surprisingly lower than I expected...although I'm not sure what I expected.  Joe and I will be taking my car over there today....and unless some outrageous fee pops up out of nowhere, I'm going to leave my car in their hands once again.  I want to get past this ordeal and move on.  God knows I have a lot on my agenda to move on to.

Isn’t there a saying….”Bad things happen in 3’s?”  Do you think I’ve met my quota?     ~Pathetically Paranoid Joy 

 

Driving Miss Crazy

Okay, this may turn into a rant…but that’s not how I’m starting out….even though every time I think about it, I see RED.

 

Remember almost three years ago when my son surprised me with a new car….a Toyota Prius?  It was the first new car I've had since the early days of my marriage.  I was so stunned that I could barely talk and turned into a blithering, babbling idiot.  He took me totally by surprise on Thanksgiving day and I could barely focus on making the rest of the dinner.

 Well…I LOVE THAT CAR!   I really do.  He couldn’t have picked a better car for me…..it just feels like the perfect fit; and it has from day one.  I’ve been vigilant about making sure my car is NEVER cluttered with things; and with the minimal driving that I really do for errands and such….I’m so careful when I park in parking lots that I leave enough space so I don’t ‘ding’ someone else’s car when I open my doors….and that I don’t get ‘dinged’ in return.  I figure I’ll die with this car, and I want it to look nice for the duration.  I’ve already done better by it’s maintenance than my husband did with most of the used cars that he managed to ‘surprise’ me with.  Though there were some very nice purchases on his part; there were also quite a few my kids and I would just as soon forget.

 But I digress…..

 

Anyway, everything was running smoothly with my little blue Prius until sometime in March when I noticed a slight scrape and tiny dent on the driver’s side right between the passenger door and the driver’s door.  It was right at the bottom of the window level.  It was so obvious that a side mirror had done the damage…..right at the same level.  Someone (and I’ll refrain from calling them what I really would like to) tried to park their car in the space next to me….and miscalculated BIG TIME.   As I stood there looking at the damage, I was shocked that someone could get away with something like that….THEN I WAS PISSED!  I knew that the scrape and dent weren’t there a couple of days before.  Where had I been?  My mind was racing trying to retrace my steps over the last couple of days.  Though there was a chance it could have happened in the parking lot of a mall that Jenna and I stopped at; it was more likely that it happened at a favorite restaurant that she and I frequent….and were just at two days before.  Their small parking lot is packed all the time, and the parking spots are none too roomy….people park way-too-close to each other all the time.  I often go to the very end of the lot where there is a little more room…and less possibility for something like this to happen.

 BUT NOT THE LAST TIME WE WERE THERE….which was two days before I noticed the damage.  We had to park in the ‘fray’ of everything because there was nowhere else to park.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was the scene of the crime. 

So now I had this ugly little scrape and dent that bothered the heck out of me every time I’d get in my car.  I talked about taking it somewhere to have it fixed….even though I hated the thought of spending the $$$ for something that someone else did.  My son said, “Mom, you’re bound to get little dings and scratches on the car from time to time when you park it in some places.  It happens to everyone.”

 True enough, but it’s one thing if YOU are at fault for those scratches and dings; but it’s another thing entirely when someone else does the damage.  I can’t tell you how much it bothered me.  Plus, this wasn’t just a little scratch that wasn’t that noticeable.  In my mind it was a real eyesore on my pretty little car. 

 Over the next few weeks the paint on that ‘little’ scrape had chipped off and now I was seeing a little rust.  More angst.  It’s not that I didn’t have many other things that needed attention in my life; but this incident kept eating away at me. 

Sometime in April…or maybe May, Joe and I took my car in to have the floor mat fixed and for a routine check-up.  We asked if they did repair work on these kinds of things.  They didn’t do it there, but they had a name to refer us to.  However, when we came back to pick up the car the guy forgot to give it to us…and we forgot to remind him.

 

 

Months pass, and now it’s August….just a couple of weeks ago in fact.  Jenna and I are once again at our favorite restaurant having a nice dinner.  We leave, and I drive her home.  I get home and park my car in front of my house.  As I’m getting out and walking around the back of the car, I notice another scrape….a fairly long RED one….at the back of the car on the driver’s side.  I knew instantly where I got it.  Need I tell you how upset I was?  I wish to God I had noticed it in the parking lot before we left.  I would have checked to see if a red car was parked next to me and if there was any damage on it.  I don’t know what I would have done.  Gone back into the restaurant and made an announcement that some ‘idiot’ just scraped my car….again.  That’s really not my style, but I was just fuming that this happened to me again….and in the very same parking lot.  Are the majority of their patrons on an outing from The School for the Blind?  That might sound unkind, but I felt so violated! 

 It’s not that I expected the ‘offender’ to walk into the restaurant and announce, “Hey, I just scrapped someone’s blue Prius.  Come up here and I’ll be glad to give you all my insurance info.”   I have heard of instances (though rare they may be) where people DO leave a note on your windshield with their name and phone number on it....if they scrape up your car.  Of course I’ve also heard that people leave a note with absolutely nothing on it; but they want any possible witnesses to think they are being upstanding and responsible citizens before they make their ‘getaway.’

 It didn’t matter…..once again….I WAS PISSED!  When I got into the house I immediately called Joe and Jenna to let off a little steam.  Jen really felt badly; but I told her I was never parking in that lot again.  I think somehow she knew I was going to say that.  The funny thing is Joe had just e-mailed the dealership to get the name of the place that could fix my first scrape. He said he was waiting to hear back from them. (Gee, you don’t think he finally did that because of my occasional urging do you?) 

 Now I felt I had no choice…I needed to get this fixed.  Did I want to spend the $$$?  NO WAY!  But I’d be damned if I was going to let that car start to look like a demolition derby reject.  I had to bite the bullet and do it.

 After hearing back from the dealership, Joe realized that their referral place wouldn’t be the answer for my comparatively small damages.  They really only do more extensive body work.  So, Joe found a couple of places in the area….one very close to my house, right down the main drag….and we took my car in about a week or so ago.

 

 

                  Happy ending??

 The Good:  They did a wonderful job on my car…and it only took two days.

 The Bad:   It cost me $1000….and I’m more PARANOID than ever.  ~Joy

 

Body Snatchers

My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3^rd about 15 years ago.  It was just that quick.  I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs.  The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal.  Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been wholly, if imperfectly, mine for years?  Whose thighs were these?  What happened to mine?

I spent the entire summer looking for them.  I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed.  I became obsessed.  I had nightmares filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to bumps in the night.  Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

 

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.  My buns were next.  I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new derriere (although badly attached at least 3 inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier.  Now my rear complimented my legs lump for lump.  Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

 

It was just a few years ago when I realized my arms had been switched.  One morning while fixing my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.  This was really getting scary.  My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time.

 

Age?  Age had nothing to do with it.  Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity…NO, I was being attacked, repeatedly and without warning.

 

 

During one spring, my attention was riveted to upper arms – female arms.  I studied them from every angle, being careful not to raise mine in public nor flatten them too tightly against my body.  In private I held them straight out and did endless circles that would have tightened my real arms but did nothing for these Silly-Putty caricatures.  In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my T-shirts.  What could they do to me next?

 

In short order, my right boob could hold a pencil (it seemed particularly cruel to take just one).  And my eyes began to remind people that they needed a new pair of Hush Puppies.  My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now reminded me of.

 

That’s why I’ve decided to tell my story; I can’t take on the medical profession by myself.  Women of America, wake up and smell the coffee! That isn't really "plastic" those surgeons are using.  You know where they're getting those replacement parts, don't you?  The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted," ~~~ look again.  Was it lifted from you?  Check out those tummy tucks and buttocks raisings.  Look familiar?  Are those your eyelids on that movie star?  I think I finally have found my thighs.  I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them.

~Unknown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I think this has probably happened to most of us older folk at some point or another. When I first started noticing my body parts being stolen one by one and replaced with malfunctioning or soon-to-become disfunctional parts; it has become an uphill battle ever since.  Is it any wonder I'm always dieting and am in a constant state of anxiety over trying to get enough exercise to make these disfunctional castaway body parts I've gotten stuck with work for me?  I'm not asking for miracles here; it's just called life.  And my theory on that is....I feel it's meant to be enjoyed and not to be worked so hard at; then again, that's the kid in me....and there is an awful lot of kid in me.  Have a wonderful weekend everyone  ~Love, Joy

Dentally Insane

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve always had a ‘thing’ about teeth; I think I got it from my mother.  She was a stickler about making sure my brother and I went to the dentist twice a year when we were home and under her wing.  Even when my brother went off to college and at times didn’t come home regularly, she still tried to make sure he kept up with his bi-annual appointments.  Mom had to eventually give it up; even she knew she had to stop and finally cut the apron strings.  Besides, she still had me at home to harass for a few more years.

 

I’m pretty sure my mother’s paranoia about her children having healthy teeth was exacerbated by the fact that she lost her teeth at a relatively early age from a gum disease; and she just wasn’t going to take a chance that it could happen to us.

 

 

Now, as an adult looking back, I fully appreciate her efforts having raised four kids of my own and being concerned about the health and safety of their teeth.  Somehow my brother and I managed to have a mouthful of healthy teeth; not many cavities, and never even needed braces.  Although, it wasn’t quite like it is today where the advances in technology in dentistry and orthodontics are so remarkable that almost every kid, and even the most paranoid of parents, can be assured that they will have picture-perfect pearly whites.  The challenge, as I see it, is to still be smiling once you’re asked to pay the piper.  I say this because I was one of those parents.

 

 

Even though I managed to escape the “brace-face” saga, all four of my kids had them.  Heck, when Julie and Jory got braces, the orthodontist actually gave us a ‘deal’ because they were twins and getting them at the same time.  Deal, schmeal…..it was still outrageous, and I know the doctor had to be seeing $$$ when we walked through the door.

 

I think being the first, Jenna got the worst of it.  She had this night-brace/head gear apparatus that went around her head and clipped to two tiny metal hooks attached to her braces in front.  That poor child must have felt like an alien for the time she had to wear it; and I don’t know why they called it a ‘night brace,’ when she had to wear it for several hours during the day too.  She was a real trooper.

 

By the time my last child got braces, we ALL were pros...it was no big deal. 

Joe seemed to breeze through his brace experience, and I felt happy and assured that I had done well by those four mouths; even my mom was proud of me.

 

 

I had to trust that their yearly check ups would continue once they all were on their own and away from my guidance.  And unlike my mother, I would not be making phone calls to any college dorm room or house discussing dental appointments; besides, they could deal with dentists when they came home on breaks.

 

I knew that once the orthodontic finale was over and those braces were removed from Joe’s nice straight teeth, I will have done my job and I would be a happy camper.  But oh how smug we can get…

 

Freshman year in high school for Julie and Jory, and I’m at a soccer game with Joe at my side.  The team is playing their arch-rival, and the atmosphere is pretty intense.  Jory is playing in the midfield and Julie is the goalie for our team.  In the frenzy of play between these two rival teams, the ball gets kicked downfield to our goal where Julie is poised and ready for action.  Watching from the stands, I can see a hoard of bodies around the goal and Julie…some players were on the ground and some standing.  Then, more standing…but not Julie.  Whistles blow and someone frantically waves for me to come out onto the field.  I knew this wasn’t going to be good.  I knew this was going to be my worst nightmare.  I knew this because I had a premonition….feeling if you will, the day before.  I’ve gotten feelings before about various things, but I always chalked them up to coincidence….something I’ve learned NOT to do quite as much of since this incident.

 

With my heart in my throat I walked onto the field.  I see coaches and players running over to Julie.  I see Jory standing close by…..visibly upset; and then I see Julie....holding a towel over her mouth….and blood.  Yep, my worst nightmare.

 

 

Where was the mouth guard I just bought for her the day before….because I just had this feeling.  She had played all the other games without a mouth guard because the school didn’t supply them.  I’m not sure Julie would have even worn it if they did; she didn’t like the feeling of it.   She never got into a situation where she needed one; and honestly, I hadn’t really thought about it……until THIS game.  Hence, my last minute purchase.

 

Where was the mouth guard?  I knew very well where it was.  I didn’t want to, but I HAD to see the damage.  I asked Julie to take the towel away.

 

“I’m sorry Mom, I should have listened to you….I’m sorry!”

 

Oh my heart!  Her beautiful two front teeth!  She was kicked in the mouth….one tooth pushed back in the roof of her mouth... all but dangling by a thread, and the other one…..in her hand.   I was numb.  I didn’t cry; there was enough of that going on, and my mind wouldn’t let me.  Now all I cared about was how much pain she was in and what I needed to do to get this fixed as quickly as possible.

 

With my arms tightly around her, we rode in the golf cart back to the locker room. I assured her everything would be fine.  But who was going to assure me?

 

We called my dentist’s office and saw him as quickly as my car could take us.  Julie seemed okay considering; but scared at the prospect of what this meant in her young life.  I think I was in worse shape than she was inside, but I could never let her know that.  All the blood that had drained from my face must have given me away when the nurse asked if I needed to sit down.  No, I needed to see….I needed to see what ‘miracle’ was going to happen to make everything fine for my girl again.  As I stood in that room watching the dentist put Julie’s teeth back in her mouth…and work his ‘miracle,’ Julie looked at me and bravely handled it all.  I was never as proud of her as in those moments.  Now, I was getting teary.  We left that office with Julie sporting a fat lip; but she still had her teeth...something I wasn't so sure would be the case.

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today, some twenty-three years or so later, Julie still has her teeth...and a beautiful smile.  I did a fair share of praying….and crying over those pearly whites; and now that Julie's a mom...she knows exactly how I felt.  Whatever issues that may or may not come up about her teeth will be on her plate now; but I still say a little prayer now and again to the MAN upstairs….along with my thanks. 

 

And yes, I pay a little more attention now if I happen to get ‘one of those feelings.’  ~Joy

 

 
  

P.S.  In an age where we’ve seen tattoos on virtually every part of the body we can think of, I haven’t seen this before.  Do people actually do this?  Who sees them?....or do they wait until their teeth fall out to have it done?  I’m amazed….and if my mother were still alive…. she’d be floored.  Have any of you seen someone who has one? 

 

 

Tooth Tattoos   (Click on pictures to enlarge)

 

 

  
  

Mid-week Musings...

 

Helllooo?....Geesh!

 

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

 

Helllooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

 

Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

 

A TRIP TO COSTCO 

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do; on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.  I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time; but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore... Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

 

 

Biology Class - final exam

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.  He wrote:

1.) It is perfect formula for the child.

2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3.) It is always the right temperature.

4.) It is inexpensive.

5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6.) It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck.  Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...

7.) It comes in 2 cute containers.

He got an A.

And finally......My good blogging buddy, Darlene at Darlene’s Hodgepodge sent me these cartoons a while back…sharing the laughs….thanks Darlene.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh these computers and the high-tech mania of the 21st century....sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it; but I most definitely don't think I can keep up with it.  Sometimes I think my brain will fry trying to figure it all out.  One thing I know...it's pushing us to places we never knew we could go....whether we want to go or not.  I can't imagine a day without my computer; but I think they're out to kill us....or at least every decent brain cell we have left....bite by bite.  Don't you?     ~Joy xo

 

Milk Chocolate…The OTHER Health Food

I finally found someone to back up what I’ve been saying for years…MILK CHOCOLATE IS THE BOMB…and it’s good for you.  Thank you eHow…http://www.ehow.com/facts_4793178_health-benefits-milk-chocolate.html

 

I have been a chocoholic all my life.  I knew all the hours and hours....and years upon years I spent nurturing that yummy, melt-in-your-mouth addiction, that I was doing some good somewhere….somehow. 

 

Forget all the hype you see and hear about the evils of chocolate and the harm it will do.  It will give you a nasty sugar high?  It will make you gain weight? It will rot the teeth right out of your head?  Pishaw!  Read it and weep you chocolate nay-sayers:

 

Milk chocolate is produced from the cacao bean. Used for thousands of years by native people in Central America, chocolate was spread around the world when the Spanish brought it back to Europe. It is estimated that 3 billion lbs. of chocolate is consumed by Americans annually, with more than 60 percent of that chocolate eaten between meals. Milk chocolate is loved for its sweet taste and health benefits.

 

Dental Protection

1.   Milk chocolate contains phosphate, which protects teeth from decay.

 

 

Antidepressant

2. Serotonin, a neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being, is in milk chocolate.

 

 

Stimulation

3. Phenylethylamine and theobromine are chemicals found in milk chocolate that act as a mild stimulant.

 

 

Vitamins and Minerals

4. Milk chocolate is high in vitamins B1, B2, D and E. It also contains potassium and magnesium.

 

 

Low Blood Pressure

5. Flavonoids in chocolate cause the body to produce nitric oxide, which lowers blood pressure.

 

 

Antioxidants

6. Milk chocolate contains antioxidants that boost the immune system.

 

 

Low Cholesterol

7. Eating milk chocolate can lower levels of LDL cholesterol--known as the unhealthy kind--and raise HDL cholesterol levels.

 

 

So, you can’t tell me there isn’t one of you out there that isn’t happy…NO, ecstatic, to hear the TRUTH about our beloved CHOCOLATE.  And, if anyone out there has something bad to say….keep it to yourself!

 

 

I’m on a chocolate high…

 

I love chocolate sooo much, that the quantities I've ingested alone will probably give me the nutritional strength to live well beyond my intended years....kinda like Wonder Woman.

 

Now if I could only get some validation on my ‘other’ theory….that the likes of these kinds of goodies below are found to be quite healthy and nutritious for us all.  NIRVANA!  

 

 

 

 

Volcanic Pancakes

 

 

 

Hot Beef Sundae

 

 

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake

 

 

 

Manhattan 67 Burger

  

Oh well, one addiction at a time....

 

and have a piece of CHOCOLATE on me.... ~Joy  xo