No, really, don't bother....gee, thanks

Do we all feel this way.....or is it just me? (Thanks to my cousin, Pat, for sending me this.)  ~Joy xoxo

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.  I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,  nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

 

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the e-mail about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

 

And don't you just love getting one of these?

 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way . . .

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Hah!! Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S.   I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet. 

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A GREAT DAY.

Comments

[Tara R.]

Maybe that's what's going on... I've broken an email chain letter. Sad thing is I've heard or read about each one of these mass scares. Too bad good news doesn't travel as quickly or isn't taken as seriously.

[Grammy E]

LOL, There are even more things to add to that list. I think we have a become a bit more germ a phobic. I know i have.

[[email protected]]

It's a wonder we ever grew up - not knowing all those pitfalls, just saying.

[Hattie]

Its funny: I was watching an old interview show on TV and the participants were fooling with their hair, rubbing their hands on the table and armrests, touching their mouths and faces: you don't see that any more.

[Cop Car]

The one thing that bothers me is when someone licks a finger or thumb to help them sort through papers - especially if they proceed to try to hand me one of the papers. Most of the stuff doesn't bother me; but, since my younger sister died as a result of our spreading germs around, I am a bit germaphobic.