As an emergency dispatcher for a local police department my son, Joe, tells me all kinds of 'crazy' stories about our 'officer friendlies.' These Police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country. Who thought our 'men in blue' didn’t have a sense of humor? Not me! But I guess it would depend on what side of the situation you were on as to whether you'd find them so funny or not.
16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'
13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
AND THE WINNER IS....
1. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.
Hilarious! And I think I might have heard a couple of those ... personally. But far more often than not, I run into cops who have zero sense of humor. Just trying to strike up a conversation with one in the donut shop gets nothing but a cold shoulder, like they don't trust you to be that close to their free donut and coffee...
Posted by: Winston | January 06, 2008 at 08:57 AM
Ohmygosh Joy!
Those are hysterical and I'm going to be chuckling for quite a while. Thanks for sharing. You know how I love laughter. Thanks also for your kind comments on my 1st volume of Haiku and my ten week review. I owe much to your wonderful example and your continual support. I'm so happy we've met in this virtual playground.
Hugs and blessings,
Posted by: storyteller | January 06, 2008 at 10:27 AM
Once I was on my way home from somewhere and one of the kids threw up. I was going too fast and I got stopped. The policeman looked in the car, probably got a whiff, and said, "Hurry home!" I liked him a lot!
Posted by: Travelinoma | January 06, 2008 at 03:15 PM
I chuckled until I got to the last one and then I laughed out loud!!
Posted by: kenju | January 06, 2008 at 07:44 PM
I don't want to meet any of these coppers. I have enough sarcastic people in my life!
Posted by: Eve | January 06, 2008 at 10:30 PM
Hi Joy,
I suppose everyone in the world who has ever had a job can tell you stories....
When my oldest son, Chris, was a teenager,he worked at a pizza shop. One day a fellow came in and asked Chris for a whole pizza. Chris baked the pizza and with his cutting wheel in hand asked the man if he wanted the pizza cut in 6 or 8 slices. The guy said, "Oh, just cut it in 6 pieces, I could never eat 8."
My daughter,Carol, tells this story about her days with United Air Lines. A woman called for a reservation and when asked if she wanted a window seat replied,"Oh, no,don't put me next to the window,I am going to have my hair done."
Posted by: Nancy | January 07, 2008 at 08:01 AM
Ha!
That last one is real good! :)
Junie
Posted by: June | January 08, 2008 at 08:32 PM
Thanks for advising me to shut up when meeting a police officer in Chicago. LOL.
Posted by: TorAa Music | January 09, 2008 at 09:52 AM
I am Swedish, now I live in Japan... But way back, I was living in Iowa. Had to get a drivers licese.
SO, I DID THE TEST.
(Soundtrack: Bladerunner)
The lovely lady at the licence office, sitting very close to me in a tiny VW 1972 Beetle, had me go left at a signal. I did. And she goes, "Hey, mister, did you ever notice those ped'strians swearing at you. Mister, you were speading in front of them while they were trying to cross the street?"
I didn't get my licence at first try, but at 2nd I was ok. 12 dollars in total. Cheers.
;)
Posted by: Martin Frid | January 29, 2008 at 10:13 AM
You write very well.
Posted by: Marilu | October 27, 2008 at 10:02 AM