The last time I was in California was 38 years ago….and virtually under the same circumstances…two young people starting out their new lives together. Only, back then, it was me. This time I flew to the sunny state to celebrate my daughter, Jory’s, wedding and to absorb every memorable moment surrounding her and Jesse’s special day. I soaked it all in….I became a sponge.
I don’t know when exactly it was that it all started to feel surreal. Was it the miles and miles of winding road lined with walls of immense rock and huge scenic gullies of the most beautiful and gigantic trees as far as the eye could see? A road unlike any I’m use to traveling on. A little scary to the unseasoned traveler; but hypnotizing in all of its beauty. As anxious as I was to reach our destination, The Shambhala Ranch in Mendocino County, I was transfixed by the serenity of the drive and the majesty of it all; and became quite conscious of the small role I played in the scheme of things. The big picture was staring me in the face with every turn.
Was it sitting in the sunroom off the kitchen at Shambhala the morning of the wedding as one by one the friends and family of Jesse and Jory strolled in for a little breakfast and conversation in preparation of the day? The atmosphere was filled with warmth and love….one big pajama party. Bella and Bastian basked in the attention they received from everyone….and what a heartwarming and giving group it was. I was finally able to put faces together with the names that Jory had written or spoken to me about. Friends that have become part of her life since she moved to California seven years ago. There were faces I’ve loved over the years, albeit by long distance, from her college days and on to her life in New York. And then, of course, there was Jesse’s family. What a warm and loving clan they are. From grandparents and parents to aunts, uncles, cousins….and Jess’s brother, Dan....every one of them just oozing with love and emotion. Within minutes of meeting them all, I understood why Jesse was the wonderful person that he was. I got it!
Did the surrealism start in the bridal bedroom as Jenna and I helped Jory get dressed…it was really more keeping her company before everyone’s trip up the hill for the big moment. As we slipped the last strap of her dress over her shoulder, and she stepped into her heels, I literally had to take a step back. She took my breath away. More beautiful than I’ve ever seen her, I felt the welling begin. I stared at this vision in soft satiny plum and totally forgot where I was. Suddenly I wasn’t present. I was back about 30 years ago looking at a dimpled, pig-tailed baby in her nightgown, who had just walked down the stairs in her sleep to say “hi.” It was the same face…only today, so elegantly mature. I pulled it together….fast. We were on our way to take pictures.
One of the nicest people I met over the weekend was Jim, Jory’s friend, and the person who did all the photography. There were various other friends who were snapping photos of everything; but Jim’s mission was to make Jory’s day the most beautiful it could possibly be. He was there out of friendship and love, and it became apparent why Jory thought the world of him. He was wonderful to everyone….and especially took a fancy to Bella, who thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. He knew exactly how to get her to smile for the camera, and charmed her at every turn. She did a great job, due in no small part to Jim’s loving personality. Pictures ended. As we freshened up, the guests started their journey to the ceremony site. I didn’t have much time to reflect on what already was or think about what was coming. We were next up the hill.
As Joe drove the van to just the right spot, I glanced out the front window to what was the most amazing sight this Midwestern girl has seen in a very long time. Talk about surreal….. Surrounded by a landscape that was so incredibly mesmerizing and majestic, you couldn’t be sure you weren’t looking at some behemoth mural in an art museum. The day was perfection…sunny, crisp and clear. I could hear the soft guitar music in the background. The guests had been quietly chatting and milling about as we pulled up, and took our arrival as their cue to take their seats. The ambiance was overwhelming.
Joe walked down the grassy, dirt aisle to his seat. Next was Jenna, then Julie, then it was to be Bella with her little basket of flowers. Bella, however, had other ideas. Yelling, “wait for me, wait for me,” she quickly ran past her mother to Aunt Jenna, who grabbed her hand and walked with her the rest of the way. Bella was our “tension breaker.” It was all part of the plan.
Then the guitarist changed the song…this was our cue. Hand in hand, in the warmth of the afternoon sun, I walked with my baby. I was armed with a supply of Kleenex, my glasses, and my speech; but I was amazingly relaxed. Jory and I chatted casually; but for the life of me, I can’t remember what about. I looked at her…and at Jesse, beaming at the end of the aisle; as the mountain of trees touching the sky framed this incredible picture. One last hug and kiss…and one last look; now I started to feel the pinch.
What transpired from here on was so personally emotional, that I don’t know if I can make it through all of the details. Jory’s good friend, Elizabeth, an ordained minister, presided over the ceremony. She greeted everyone with some lovely words. At Jory and Jesse’s request, she honored those that had passed this past year….Jory’s dad, her maternal grandmother, her paternal grandfather, her dear friend, Craig…and Jesse’s uncle. So many loved ones watching over from above…..the tears were starting to flow.
Then Jesse and Jory spoke the pieces they wrote for each other. This is where I realized I wouldn’t have enough Kleenex. Jesse went first, then Jory. Suffice to say, I don’t think there was a dry eye on that hill. Next came their intentions to each other. By now I’m wondering if I’ll be able to stand up there and speak coherently at all. My son, Joe, was crying next to me. I looked up to see all three of my daughters in tears, let alone Jesse and his family. I wouldn’t dare look behind me at the rest of the weepers. Jesse’s mom and dad, Elizabeth and Arnie, walked up to stand next to Jesse as his mom read a lovely poem. Then I walked up and stood between Julie and Jory to say my piece. I was STILL amazingly calm considering the emotional tenor of the day. I welcomed everyone there with a few words. (I don’t know where that came from. I guess the emotion of the moment must have kicked in.) Here is what I said that day…..
We all have happily come here today to celebrate the union of two very unique and beautiful people. Two dominant and strong personalities in their own right; but together….a magnificent mix of wit, warmth, and wonder.
Jesse and Jory have amazed me from the first time I saw them together at my daughter, Julie’s, house on the occasion of my granddaughter, Bella’s, 1st birthday. I had been excited about meeting Jesse for the first time and seeing first hand the relationship that had blossomed between him and Jory. And, if I was going to give Jory an honest appraisal of what I felt…like all moms’ do…I had better be paying attention. That was hardly a problem. For what I saw in those few days at Julie’s warmed my heart and put my mind at ease that my third child (officially by two minutes) was heading in the right direction….with the right person.
Jory and Jesse are hilarious together, with a feistiness that is refreshing and heartwarming to see. They have a great sense of one another, and are attentive and supportive in every way. They treat each other with an honesty and respect that is not only endearing, but so beautifully real. They listen to each other…really listen, and tell it like it is. I love that, for I’ve always believed….you have to be able to take the good with the bad… the criticism along with the praise… or how could you ever believe a thing you have to say to one another? Jory and Jesse can take it, and beautifully so.
In that short visit at Julie’s, I found Jesse to be warm and down-to-earth. He was kind-hearted, engaging, and thoughtful. He loved playing with Bella and doted on her whenever he got the chance….and she loved being with him. Jesse was for real. It felt so right having him there….as a part of our family. He and Jory just seemed to meld together in the most natural way….a true soulful connection.
As we celebrate today, I have many emotions inside…and many wishes. I wish Jory’s father could have been here today. He would have been sitting right in that front row, quietly crying his eyes out….just as he did six years ago today at Julie’s wedding. He was so proud of his kids….and he was very, very proud of you Jory, and the woman you grew to be. I wish he had the chance to meet you, Jesse. I know he would have really liked you and would have been happy to welcome you into our family.
I’m happy and proud to be here to share in the joy of this day. I have a lot of wishes for Jesse and Jory; but none more important than what brought them here today…. that they continue to treat one another with the honesty, love and respect that they’ve built the foundation of their relationship on…. and that their life together be blessed with joy and love and spent in gratitude of the day they happened to one another.
I made it through just fine; even looking into the faces of Jory and Jesse or the crowd at times, and still making sense till the end, where I told them I loved them very much.
Their official vows were next. The timing was perfect since I was down to my last couple pieces of Kleenex. The ceremony ended with our families standing at the front of the hill in an informal receiving line as everyone came up to talk, hug, kiss, cry, and make their way down the hill to the ranch house. It was emotional, it was beautiful, and before we knew it….it was over.
During the ceremony Bella had made several trips around the area finding every wild turkey feather she could and presenting them to Julie. She endeared herself to everyone in the crowd who thought she was just so cute. Mommy, however, didn’t think it was so adorable trying to corral her every time to make her stand still. After a few futile attempts, Julie just gave up and laughed along with everyone else. Considering that she had been VERY good about everything else, including all the picture-taking, I guess it’s hard to be PERFECT when you're three years old. Actually, she was just right.
The remainder of the day was spent in great conversation, fantastic food, and more exquisite emotional moments. We ate dinner outside in the dusk of the evening. Afterward, we all went inside for desert and coffee, etc. Jesse’s brother, Dan, made a toast to the couple. For someone who said he didn’t know what he was going to say,…..it was wonderful…warm and touching. Then Julie walked up to the front of the room and spoke. This was NO time to be out of Kleenex. She said a lot. She spoke about Jesse and her impressions of him and in particular the circumstances of his first visit to our family home on the sad occasion of my husband, Joel’s, death. How Jesse’s strength at such a time was amazing and needed; and how he just quietly stepped-up and took over to make everything easier on all of us. That’s when SHE truly knew that Jesse was a part of our family….and very special. What she said was so moving and elegant. As I looked around at all the faces there, I couldn’t find one without tears running down their cheeks….including mine. She spoke of Jory and her strength and ambition…and more. She made us cry, she made us laugh…..she made an already special day... even more special. As she stood there with her arm around her twin sister, my heart took another leap. The moment was almost too much for me. I couldn’t have been prouder….as I am of all of my kids. This was the perfect end to a stellar day.
We said our goodbyes the next afternoon. Everyone kissed and hugged….maybe a little tighter than usual. Jory was so grateful to have us all there. We were so grateful to be a part of her special day. It’s not unlike how I felt 6 years ago after Julie’s wedding. It was all so beautiful…so perfect and heartwarming…and yes, somewhat surreal.
On the flight home I wondered how I was going to be able to write about this whole weekend and do it justice. Isn’t it funny? I think I just did.
(I have no wedding pictures available yet, but when I do, I’ll post them. Thanks everyone for your very loving and thoughtful comments, words of encouragement and best wishes. I took them all with me….)
Im certain you just wrote a fitting piece about what was obviously a wonderful wedding Joy, congratulations.
Posted by: Peter | October 12, 2006 at 05:12 AM
Im certain you just wrote a fitting piece about what was obviously a wonderful wedding Joy, congratulations.
Posted by: Peter | October 12, 2006 at 05:14 AM
Wow...sounds like it was a beautiful and moving occasion. And your written account could not have been better.
Again, my best to the new bride and groom....and mom....I think we suspected their might be a Kleenex shortage.
Welcome back
Posted by: Alan G | October 12, 2006 at 06:28 AM
Well, it sounds as if the entire event was just perfect, including your "performance". I knew you could get through it ... Looking forward to seeing the photographic evidence...
Posted by: Winston | October 12, 2006 at 06:36 AM
It all sounds just perfect, ,Joy.
:)
Junie
Posted by: June | October 12, 2006 at 07:14 AM
This was really, really beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.
Posted by: Darkly | October 12, 2006 at 09:17 AM
Welcome back! We all missed you. Thanks for the treasure of your memories. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who needed Kleenex as I read. Some day, e-mail, I'll tell you why
Posted by: Zen knitter | October 12, 2006 at 10:11 AM
I want to get married again so I can do it just like that. It sounds beautiful and so so perfect. You did indeed do it justice. Congratulations to all!
Posted by: Peggasus | October 12, 2006 at 10:21 AM
Who needs pictures with descriptions like this? Thanks for sharing Joy, it must have been a truly wonderful time. Congratulations!
Posted by: Steve Sherock | October 12, 2006 at 11:41 AM
That was a wonderful telling of what was without doubt a fabulous day. I'm so glad it all went so well.
Posted by: Liz | October 12, 2006 at 12:44 PM
You are blessed with a special talent for descriptive writing and for the ability to bring an event to life with your words.
As I read this, I thought of the generations to come who will read it and know their famiy
history as written by a loving mother, grandmother, great grandmother, great-great and on.
You have told this beautiful story well and your family is very lucky to have you as a Matriarch.
Posted by: Maria | October 12, 2006 at 01:38 PM
Joy you set the scene perfectly. It sounded just beautiful. I even got some tears in my eyes just reading this.
Posted by: jen | October 12, 2006 at 08:58 PM
So happy to hear things went so well. What a beautifully written account of the day. Something I'm sure they will cherish forever. I have found as I have gotten older that I wish I had kept a dairy or journal over the years. My memory is just not that great anymore. To be able to go back and read about the events of my wedding day instead of just having the pictures would be priceless. So kuddos to you for doing it for them. Truly a gift.
Posted by: janet | October 12, 2006 at 11:43 PM
Dear Joy ~~ I almost feel like I was there with you all. You did a wonderful job in sharing with us, and a magnificent job with your speech. I am so glad you all had such a lovely time, and made some great memories for the future. Can't wait to see photos. Welcome home dear Joy - yeah for Kleenex!! Love,
Merle.
Posted by: Merle | October 12, 2006 at 11:46 PM
You made my day! Thanks for a touching description of a very happy event. Maza; Tov!
Posted by: savtadotty | October 13, 2006 at 05:46 AM
Wow, Joy! I feel as though I got a peek at the whole wonderful wedding. I know your heart is full. Can't wait to see the pictures!
Posted by: MaryB | October 13, 2006 at 09:33 AM
This was such an uplifting account to read. Thank you, Joy!
Posted by: Koan Bremner | October 13, 2006 at 09:58 AM
What the hell was I thinking...not a tissue in reach!!! I've been checking everyday waiting for the review...oh Joy...you are amazing and I'm so glad you took the "shape" of a sponge for the wedding...you needed to soak in every moment of all of the gifts you have brought to the earth, most importantly all your children! Thank you....
xoxoxoxo
Posted by: Miffy | October 13, 2006 at 10:56 AM
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful day and letting us all be part of your family. I have to go find my own Kleenex now.
Posted by: Suzz | October 13, 2006 at 02:11 PM
Hi Joy!
I love this posting. It was so nice to see you again and to meet your son and daughter finally!
Much Love,
Margo
Posted by: Margo | October 13, 2006 at 03:27 PM
Wowsers! -- As my daughter often said in her teens!!! What a glorious event this was! And how very well you told it! Remember that the reason Jory is such a special lady is that YOU are a very special Mommy!!! And Joel was a very special Daddy!!! Thank you for sharing this beautiful event with us! Hugssssssssssss!
Posted by: Kay Dennison | October 13, 2006 at 07:33 PM
Thank you for letting me experience Jory and Jesse's wedding - through your eyes. Slipping the straps on her shoulder - walking up the hill - to see the ocean.
I love your writing. My heart to yours - I am immersed in the long walk up the hill - the perfect Mendocino day.
The day of pledging fidelity with the sun, ocean and family as witness.
You, Joy - my sister of heart. Thank you for sharing this family time.
Posted by: Suzann | October 13, 2006 at 09:07 PM
Dear Joy,
I just want to say again that what you wrote for the ceremony, and how you spoke it, were beautiful. It was indeed a wonderful ceremony and celebration, both deeply moving and festive, and I've enjoyed reading your detailed description of it.
Each time that Arnie and I spend time with Jesse and Jory, our love for Jory grows. We are very happy to welcome her into our family. And it was a great pleasure to meet you and the rest of the family at last.
Even though distance may keep us from seeing each other often, you and I are now united in both being "Mom" for Jesse and Jory as they form a new family of their own. So that is a special bond we have. And since we both like to write, we can stay in touch that way. I don't expect to take up blogging myself, but I do enjoy following yours.
And of course I've been checking Jory's blog site daily for the last few days--I can't wait to get the bride's take on her wedding weekend. With her characteristic thoughtfulness and distinctive sense of humor, this is sure to be a great posting!
Love,
Elizabeth
Posted by: Elizabeth Michel | October 13, 2006 at 10:33 PM
Hi Joy ~~ Thanks for your comments on Deck of Cards. I hope you and family enjoyed playing cards and the
story. It is clever isn't it?
Take care, dear Joy, Love, Merle.
Posted by: Merle | October 14, 2006 at 05:11 AM
I join all your readers in expressing my compliments to an extraordinary story well-told. Sounds like it was a moment in time that will be remembered forever. I'm happy for you that it brought you and yours such joy and happiness! Can't wait for pictures. Annie
Posted by: Annie Hall | October 14, 2006 at 05:37 PM
Joy, What a lovely ceremony and a beautiful description.
Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Chancy | October 15, 2006 at 08:18 PM
well this is my first time over here Joy. I had to come over from Jory's Pause to get the real story and you told it!
Didn't cry at the bride's story but the mother in me really connected with yours!
Posted by: Chris Owen | October 16, 2006 at 08:22 AM
Beautiful description of Jory's wedding day! I felt like I was there Joy. Much of who Jory is today is because of you. I am grateful everyday for my Mother, and I am sure Jory feels the same way. Much love.....your cookie.
Posted by: Bob Patterson | October 17, 2006 at 05:49 AM
I've been so busy lately, I wanted to stop by here to read this account when I had time to properly absorb it...as I just have. I'm crying just reading it. I can only imagine that Joel must have been there in spirit...looking down on all of you on such a perfect day for such a beautiful occasion. What a lovely way for them to embark on their new life together. You summed it all up beautifully...and let us experience it with you. Thank you.
Posted by: Marilyn | October 18, 2006 at 04:20 AM
Mrs. Jory's Mom-
Thanks for the great wedding recap (now I see where Jory gets her scribing skills). Especially touching to me was your wonderful "mom's assessment" of Jesse--it is something I will keep with me as a reminder of how to be a good husband and companion for my wife, and a good dad for our daughter.
When my wife and I decided to name our own daughter "Jory" after yours, it was my recollection of her sass and sense of humor in the year I knew her at Illinois that initially inspired us (plus, it was just a really cool name). But I had no idea your Jory would continue to make us proud of our decision with her honesty, beauty and strength today. Thanks to you, and her, for being who you are and for sharing your lives with us in the ways you have. Congratulations, and all the best!
Posted by: Troy | October 19, 2006 at 05:42 PM
This is a beautiful experience! All the best!
Posted by: Flowers Melbourne | April 18, 2012 at 05:54 PM