The Dreaded Mom-o-gram

Before I ever had my first mammogram I remember my mother's horror stories about the process of mammography and how they brutally crushed her breasts in that awful vice-like machine until they were flat as pancakes until she couldn't take it anymore and she was almost in tears, and her breasts would hurt for days afterward.  I'd get the calls about how sore she was and how she wondered if something wasn't wrong. "I think those exams can MAKE you have problems with your breasts." 

'Thank you mom. Gee, I can't wait to make MY appointment for one of those. I'll just call tomorrow....You've inspired me.'   Is it any wonder I didn't have my first mammogram until I was 54 years old? 

And when I DID go, you can imagine how surprised I was that: 1) I lived through it.  2) It didn't hurt anywhere near like my mother said it would and I wasn't a mass of quivering jelly on the floor. (and I'm not a small-breasted woman)  3) My breasts were not permanent flapjacks, frisbees....or transformed into any other deformed foreign objects.  I had to come to the realization that Mom had exaggerated just a smidgeon....OR she just had very sensitive breasts.  Since I've heard similar stories in both camps....I'll just say my mom must have had sensitive breasts and let it go at that.  I don't even think my mom had that many mammograms in her lifetime; and you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why.

What I do wish my mother had been a little wiser about was telling 'everyone and their uncle'....including me, about the 'tortures' of the mammogram.  But that was my mom, and that was how she was about most medical issues.  I took a lot of things with a grain of salt, but in truth...I wasn't running to the phone to make an appointment either. 

It's not like I'm Miss Model Patient of the Year...believe me.  I just had my second mammogram last year.  Again, it seemed fine. I don't remember it hurting much.  Maybe I'm getting a little cocky.  I just got a reminder in the mail a couple of days ago for another one.  Hey, cripes...okay already.  Now they know where I live...they're tracking me down.  I'll think about it. 

I'll tell you one thing....if THIS (below) ever happened to me....they just might not be squishing MY breasts ever again.....Enjoy!               Love,

POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM

I went for my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' 
 
This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown.

Everything clear?

I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.'  Belinda headed for the door.

'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vice alone are you?' I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back..'

Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'

'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved goodbye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

'And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.'          

                            

Comments

[Tara R.]

Because of a high incidence of Breast Cancer in my family, I had my baseline test when I was 35. Unfortunately with younger women many times Mamms are 'inconclusive' due to dense breast tissue. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that my OB/GYN wasn't satisfied with those results and also ordered an ultrasound. The tech found a small lump... it turned out to be benign, but if I had been having US instead of Mamms all that time, it would have been found much earlier. Sadly, insurance companies will pay for mamms, but not US unless as a followup test. I wonder how many younger women would have discovered their cancer sooner if doctors were free to order whichever test they felt was best for their patients.

I still have both done every birthday month and so far so good.

[kenju]

Your mom was like mine, although my mom's rant was about menopause. She had (to hear her tell it) a hellish time all throughout menopause, and would have preferred death than to have to go through it any longer. Imagine my surprise when I whizzed through it with only a few hot flashes and night sweats. Women ought to think about what they are saying before they rant about physical stuff to their children.

[Darlene]

My Mom was the opposite; she never ever complained so imagine my surprise when giving birth the first time hurt like bloody hell. Why didn't some one warn me? It was a complete shock, let me tell you.

Mammograms pinched but were not torture and menopause was a breeze. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. But I think if I had been left dangling for two hours I would have thought it worse than water boarding.

[Merle]

Hi again Joy ~~ How awful to be left in the vice for a power blackout.

In fairness to your MOm - Maybe in earlier days, things were more severe and is better now. Keep on checking up my friend. Breast cancer
is an awful thing. Take care, Love, Merle.

[Cop Car]

Not only do different people have different sensitivities to some procedures (I am insensitive to dental work - nothing much bothers me; however, a mammogram can make me want to scream!) but, as someone mentioned, procedures have changed over the years. Current mammograms are much less painful than the ones of 30 years ago. Too, technician techniques vary. In addition, I now know to lay off of caffeine for a couple of weeks prior to a mammogram.

My understanding is that the film mammogram (as opposed to the digital mammogram) is still the gold standard for detection, although it does produce a "high" rate of false positives. The sonogram is (sometimes) helpful in sorting things out. In my family, a sonogram has invariably led to a biopsy, which has invariably proved that our conditions were benign, which means that the sonogram was just so much added expense.

Poor moms can do no right. Either they tell us too much or too little. (In turn, I'm sure that I did the same to my own sweet girls - told them too much or too little.)

Awwww...hang in there, Joy. I enjoyed your story!

[Rain]

I had my yearly mammogram in May and was relieved when I quickly got a letter saying all was well for another year. Our clinic has improved the machines so much and now there is no waiting for them to be sure the breasts show up. The technician said she even got down to muscle which is good. I don't like them but my least favorite part is the waiting for a letter to tell me it's okay.

[Hattie]

Well past menopause I have no problems with discomfort during or after mammograms. The first ones hurt, though,so I think breast tissue density has a lot to do with how much discomfort or pain one experiences.
Colonoscopies now: it really depends on the skill of the doctor and anesthesiologist. I've had three of them, and the third one was a breeze.

[Suzann]

laughing too hard to type..........

[Peter]

I'm not bein' sexist Joy but I sure am glad you girls volunteered to have the mammograms... thanks.

[Liz]

Oh my goodness! that poor woman! Yes, i've had a few mammograms and always think, 'they're going to stop squeezing now, aren't they?' and they don't! But at least it doesn't last long.