A Letter to My Mom

Hi Mom,

You’ve been on my mind a lot lately.  I suppose it’s because Mother’s Day is here again; and your last Mother’s Day, three years ago, was the saddest one I can remember…since you left us not long afterward. 

 

You've missed a lot in those three years Mom....your grandson, Bastian, who you never got a chance to meet, just turned three, and is so much fun.  Bella will be six in two months, and is quite a character.  Jory got married in 2006.  Grandma Irene was missed dearly.  (Maybe you were watching from above...it was beautiful.)  All the kids are fine and busy, traveling, working on various projects.  The main thing is...they are all happy and healthy. 

 

Those days at the nursing home were hard on you mom; I know that.  I wonder if you were aware just how difficult it was for Ken and I to see you there any longer than you had to be.  Your health failed so rapidly.  There were days I’d leave your room and it felt like my heart was breaking.  I knew you wanted to be anyplace but there….but THERE, became our only option….except the hospital.  Your life had taken you to the exact place you prayed you’d never be, and I’m so sorry for that Mom.  I think about that all the time, and the irony of it. 

 

I’ve thought about those last days by your bedside holding your hand and talking to you.  You were talking too….but not to me.  I’ve always wondered who it was you were talking to.  God?  Dad? Grandpa?  Sometimes you seemed angry.  I’d stare at your face forever trying to figure out what was going on in your conversations.  We had very few cohesive moments together toward the end Mom.  You were in your own little world, but you managed to clutch my hand the whole time.  I’ll never know if you heard me tell you that 'I loved you.'  It was like when Dad died in my arms and I kept shouting how much I loved him…..I just never knew if he heard me or not. 

 

 

 

I hope you heard me Mom.

 

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day...

 

    Love,

                     Joyce

P.S.  Did you know when Ken and Mary were leaving the nursing home after visiting you on the night you passed away, they were singing 'Good Night Irene' in the Community Room?  Talk about irony....  I left earlier that day.  I cried like a baby when I heard that....

Comments

[Denise]

Awe!

xoxoxox

[Julie]

I so enjoyed reading this Mom. I wish we could be together on Mother's Day, but we will be there soon! Love you

[Darlene]

I can only imagine the pain you went through because there was no other option than to place your Mom in a nursing home when her health deteriorated. I am sure your mother would have understood and she knew that you did your best.

Yes,Joy, your Dad heard you. The nurses told me that hearing is the last thing to go. Parents know they are loved, even if the words are never spoken.

My children know that my worst nightmare is to be put in a nursing home. Maybe it's time I told them that it would be okay for me to be there if necessary. I don't want to add guilt to their sadness.

Your tribute to your mother just taught me a valuable lesson. Thank you, Joy.

[cassie-b]

It's hard to lose your Mom. Mine said good-bye to us about 10 years ago. Funny, we thought she had lots of years left.

Cas
And a happy Mother's Day to you.

[Tara R.]

I'm sure they both heard you.

Hope you have a Happy Mother's Day.

[joared]

A very touching heartfelt letter to your Mom. Mine has been gone many more years -- 3 months before her 90th birthday -- but I often still want to share things with her.

[Hattie]

You took care of her and went through everything with her, and for that you deserve nothing but praise.

[Jaden]

*sniffle* This was heartwrenching, sad, and full of love. I loved reading it. Thank you for sharing.

Did a letter to my mom over on my blog, too... and found yours through Her Bad Mother's linkie on the Blogher website :)

[Merle]

Dear Joy ~~ What a lovely tribute to your dear Mother. I am sure she heard you as your Dad did so long ago. You did all you could and sometimes a nursing home is the only way, although none of us would like it, we should realize it may be necessary. Thank you so much for your comments and concern for me. I really am OK The fall was indoors on the carpet, but getting up was a huge problem. Thank you for the Mother's Day Greeting and I hope yours was great too. Take care, dear friend. Much Love, Merle.

[Junie Rose]

Dear Joy,

We are never ready to say that last goodbye to our moms...and I doubt we will ever completely get over the pain of losing them.

Hugs)

Junie

[JoJo]

aww, My Mom is in a nursing home, a promise to her that that would never happen did after a nasty fall and hip replacment, she is so sick in her overall health and after 6 years of homecare by me the hip surgery has changed things for thw worse. I feel exactly how you do & your poem to your Mom is breaking my heart, you seem like a great daughter so as eveyone tells me please don't feel guilty, the mind may not work well in our Mom's at the end but they know how mmuch we love them when we squeeze their hands in ours and look into thier eyes.....God Bless*

[Doctoral Dissertation]

Blogs are so informative where we get lots of information on any topic. Nice job keep it up!!